Broken Heart Version 2

So yeah, pretty self explanatory from the title. I'm just wrapping up day one of feeling shitty about another failed relationship. I guess you could say yesterday was officially the day...but I look at it more like getting punched in the fucking face. You don't feel it for a bit, sometimes not till the next day. I'm writing this so that a) I remember how this feels...fucking documentation, sucks while you're doing it, but helpful later? Hopefully. and b) because it is raw, honest, and pure human emotion and it seems right from an artistic standpoint to try to capture it. I feel pretty fucking bummed, I mean god damn immensely bummed, but to be more specific....I feel detached from everything and everyone around me and psychically ill. I have this knot, this knot in my fucking stomach. It's like something is wrong, like I'm worried or nervous about something when in actuality it is a broken heart...why hello old friend, please do fuck off as soon as possible. Funny "they" refer to it as that (a broken heart)...I would go more with broken gut or lower throat area (I'm sure there's a scientific term for the exact location, but yeah...regardless of terminology it hurts) It gets worse the more I think about the relationship from start to finish and all the good times and conversations. The last few things she said still dance in my head and I can't help but replay them over and over again.  Right now I'm allowing myself to go there....start to finish, good to bad, familiar to foreign, from love to pain. My throat is getting tight, my eyes are starting to water and it is all I can do to hold my shit together...hard to believe that I'd almost completely forgotten how this feels, and yet that is profoundly encouraging. I might have cried like a whiny little bitch there for a bit, but I'm not ashamed of that...I think it's part of the process in untying that fucking ridiculous knot in my stomach. Jesus fuck I'm pissed that I let myself get back to this point again. I was (keyword "was") finally at a point where I was happy on my own...until I took another chance on another girl that's left me broken and numb. God. Damn. Fuck.