Disillusion and Confusion

I'm sitting here at work with another few hours to go until my weekend. I'm not doing well today. I hate how this whole mess is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. I honestly keep trying to sort shit out in my head and continually arrive at the unfortunately impossible solution to my problem, to erase her and everything related from my mind. I feel like I'm lugging a bag of regret around on my back and it is getting heavier and heavier the more I think about shit. I just wanna dump the mother fucker out. I keep trying to justify certain things and convince myself that it would have never worked out. That's the kicker...it's hard to be sure about that. I keep letting myself imagine what it'd be like if everything was still going good, what we would be doing. What we would be doing over the next few months, etc. It sucks when everything you've been planning falls through the fucking cracks and you're left disillusioned and confused.